Should I or Should I Not?

All working mothers go through this mental struggle, whether to stop work and stay with their kids- we can never get enough of our kids growing up time!

Lately I have been thinking about this too often. One major reason why I think so is the timing of work. My work timing is from 9.30am to 7.00pm.So when I leave work at 7.00pm, I reach home in approximately  an hours time  The commutation system in Singapore is so reliable, that I can reach home in 45 minutes. Yet by the time I reach home, it is 7.50pm or sometimes later due to minor jobs at work place. This being the situation I miss tea time with kids, I miss being there for my daughter for prep time, I miss meeting my friends - and keep all due responsibilities for weekends. All I do, when I get back home is ferociously fight with kids, and also fight with hubby- because I  have this feeling that I am the only one at home facing dog-life. Thanks to almighty, I have a supportive family that can understand and accept me. 

I guess it the deprivation of time with family that makes me feel so grumpy when I am actually with them. So instead of enjoying the little time with them, I tend to be moody and am growling at every simple thing. Now readers might want to think I have some bi-polar disorder or something!!

Nope absolutely not- I bet it is the effect that my work is taking on me. So why is it I am not quitting.......sure it has got something to do with my passion for teaching. So until I find the right destination I will still have to hold on tight.......

It is still bearable! Isn't it??

Something that came more as the harsh truth than just a simple discussion.

Every one of us go through stress at some point of our lives, it is in each of our hands as to how well we handle it and don't let it mess with our lives. There are people who are extremely  happy at work, happy  with family and maybe everywhere their presence is. Even these people, may experience stress at some time in their life- could be while making a difficult decision, or when there is a deprivation of some kind. It is just that they are smart enough not to go into depression because of stress.

My passion for my job has kept me thriving. I am venturing into my tenth year of career as a lecturer- full time. All these years I have always enjoyed teaching. There may have been trying situations. But one session of lecture and interaction can make me  jump back to form. One of the subjects I love to teach my students is Project Management.

This trimester having started, on the first day of  class we were discussing about skills of a project manager- and when the point of stress management came into discussion, the class came into more lively interaction. The topic of STRESS made it more lively. Slowly we started complaining about this life that is so stressful. We spoke about Hong Kong where life has become so mechanical, with people busy with life that is so demanding at work and people have very less time for leisure. The quality time people spend with their family  has gradually diminished.

The discussion shifted towards the topic of major projects in the past, where we discussed mainly about Egypt Pyramids. Giza Pyramid- one of the Wonders of the World was built with so much tediousness. Heavy labor was involved because of movement of huge blocks of limestone over elevated levels, as the building moved higher and higher. There were no modern machinery like cranes and movers- rather it was  the work of men skilled to do the work. Though there are many theories agreeing and disagreeing on how the pyramid was built, we have to agree to one major fact that people of those times also  went through STRESS  - but physical in nature. These days however, modern machinery is involved in reducing the tediousness of labor, people still face the same STRESS- but mental in nature.It is quite hard to say which is worse, but it is time we realized the truth- STRESS is slow poison, a big time KILLER!

The duty of a flag Lowerer.

This is my first post for this year, and I was thinking for some time now, that it should be on Flag lowering.

Now more than I want to write about flag lowering, I want to write about Sukayna(my eight year old baby girl) the flag lowerer.

Rushing outta school!!

So what was  it that  was  urging me to write this article? A couple of weeks past I had been to school to pick up my daughter( a very rare happening- but managed as I was not working that particular day).

Sukayna was the first kid to be walking out of the gate, and I was quite curious as to how she was so keen in getting home early. But I did notice that the children who walked out were lined in a queue accompanied by a teacher until the gate, but Sukayna walked even ahead of the teacher.

To know why so- I questioned her, and then she told me, that every day she will be the first one to walk out because she was in charge of lowering the flag. Hence she does not have to queue up and wait for teacher's instructions to go out.

For a Primary two pupil -isn't lowering the flag a huge responsibility? Curious to know what she has to do, I was shooting away questions, to which my girl never runs out of answers anyday. Happy to answer she told me a few things that happen during the flag lowering.

Everyday she gets feedback from her teacher on her performance of lowering the National Flag. In Singapore schools,  every day before school disperses, students gather at assembly point and sing the National Anthem, while the flag lowerer, lowers the flag at medium pace- and that is what Sukayna has to do. Sukayna told me, that sometimes her teacher tells her she was fast, sometimes too slow - and yes of course there is a reason for everything they do. So the reason  she told me next was really funny.

She said that her classmates standing behind her during this process, keep prompting to her to either lower the flag faster, sometimes tell her to lower down at a slower pace- so she finally misses out what is supposed to be right!

Nevertheless  for an eight year old, I really consider this as a big achievement for her age. During our walk back home from school, this conversation with Sukayna brought back memories from my school time, when I was once in charge of raising the flag along with my captain. We had to get the flag up and ready to be hoisted by the teacher in charge of assembly for the week.

This was when I was in  std 9, and every monday used to be a nightmare- because a few time, we have put it up upside down! I know- What an Offense?? Thank God, our principal was kind enough, and did not chuck us out of school. I used to pray for Monday morning rains- when outdoor assembly would be cancelled, and hence flag hoisting too. But to think of it now is real pleasure. And for my princess Sukayna to be doing a similar duty at such young age is far more than PRIDE!!

A true Blessing!

Mrs. Shirley Nathan- more than a mentor, more than a friend, more than a teacher to my daughter, she is a true blessing for me, from Almighty.

It was sometime early 2006, in Malaysia, my husband and I were desperately looking out for schools with child care. Sukayna was two plus years old then. The baby sitter who had taken care of Sukayna since she was five months old until then, was not able to continue.  Left with little time to look out for play schools that also provided child care, we were also emotionally stressed as to how Sukayna may be able to take the change.

We had spotted one school loacted 0.5 km from our home. There were other schools in the neighborhood, but they did not have flexible timings for child care. So we were left with just this option, and that  too was closed, upon enquiry as they were houseful for the year. Looking at our desperate situation, one teacher in the school called my husband and told him to try for admission in the school situated opposite theirs.Now this was NEWS! Because until that day we have never known a school to exist in the posh bungalow opposite this school. It was then we noticed that there was a school, in the shape of a train cabin, located beside the bungalow inside the compound.

Sceptical about the size of the school, yet left with no option, my husband approached the teacher. And the moment he saw her and spoke to her, he was convinced, that however hard it was going to be, Sukayna should study there. This was the first time, we got introduced to Mrs. Shirl . Her school was not a very big school, and her cabin even today, can accomodate only a handful of students. But each student would be a  product like Totto Chan from the Japanese School Tomoe Gakuen.

 Nearly a decade ago, Mrs. Shirl ran a school for foreigner's children, with the experience she gained from teaching in international schools. She was a big success and her school too. As years passed and her children grew up, she down sized the school to what it is today- The Cabin.

The cabin is a place full of only happiness. Kids learn more than what they might in regular schools. And we were happy to secure admission for Sukayna in the cabin. Now the child care part was a little complicated, as Mrs. Shirl was not providing child care for any kids then. When my husband told her about our situation-working parents desperately in need for a secure place to leave their kid, she said she will give it a try. She told us ,if it was tiresome, she would recommend elsewhere.

So the next day, Sukayna was in the cabin- her first school, Mrs. Shirl her first teacher. The first two days, Mrs. Shirl agreed to take care of Sukayna on a trial run, and the third day, she told us, she would continue to take in Sukayna as Sukayna was a more independent kid and it was easy to take care of her. We are ever thankful to her and her family for being there for us, and most of all God Almighty for His abundant blessing.

The entire family was kind to us. They had never once forgotten to invite us over to their place for any celebrations. Mrs. Shirl's smile was enough to make your day. Theirs was an extended family, with Mrs. Shirl's sisters, Aunty Malar, Dato Ramani with her husband Uncle John and her brother Uncle Loga all residing in the same house. To them people and genuine relationships was what mattered most.

To this day, I am ever grateful to God for having shown me genuine love through Mrs. Shirl. This New Year, I want to gift this post to Mrs. Shirl - as a token of my love and appreciation,  for I take you as my mother in a foreign land.

What difference does it make?

These thoughts keep crossing my mind so very often...especially when I meet people who have different tastes, for their choice of accessories.

Last week I saw this Louis Vuitton outlet in Megamall, Kuala Lumpur. I was so excited, that i quickly clicked a picture in front of the outlet, where a few of their products were displayed.  A couple of days back I walked past a Ducati Motorbike, and again with so much excitement I clicked a snap of it and showed it to a few friends to boast about having a picture of Ducati on my mobile. Hahhaha...thats how crazy I am about branded stuff. Nevertheless I dont own them! First thing, coz I cannot afford them, second thing even if I am able to spend on them, I'd rather not, coz owning a Louis Vuitton Bag doesn't make any difference to me from owning a low-end brand like Poccilini or Commoditee bag, or even a bag I can buy at the flea market.

To many out there it makes a big big difference, they may look down upon those in possession of low end accessories. But I wonder if they even realise the value of this materialistic obsession in their afterlife. I am not trying to criticise them. In fact I do admire them, they have created so many employment opportunities in many industries- manufacturing, logistics, marketing & sales, PR, Customer service and so forth. IN fact, a friend of mine who is a marketing lecturer, informed me that most brands cater products matching customer personality. Brands also have personalities, giving customers the option to choose the brands whose personalities fit their own. Now I am thinking, how much crazier can the world get? But that is how things work.....

OK, now let us imagine this situation- say when I am walking along a crowded road, with a branded bag, that cost me $ 1500(expecting everyone to see it), and  from nowhere a thief snatches it and runs away! Oh My God, I am sure to get a heart attack man!

Being the semi pessimist that I am, thinking of the what the world has to offer on the Dec 21st  2012, I would rather keep branded products in form of pictures stored only on my mobile gallery!

Back to square one!

Yesterday I read a post on Facebook, on one of my friends profile. It was about an Indian guy  in the US, who so much wanted to return to India, to be with parents, that every time he tried to, his attempt was not fruitful until, there came the time, that he had lost his parents, his wife separated from him and kids had turned American- by the time he returned.

When I read articles like these it scares me so much, that I pray with faith asking God to take me to my motherland, at the earliest.

Away from mom and dad, away from uncles and aunts, away from the sweet little cousins who always make your life so cheerful, it feels so awful to even think of the happiness that is being missed everytime.

However, the country that I am now living in has made me get so used to the sophistication, the lifestyle I have so blended with, that I keep complaining about missing them, when I am in Ooty and Coimbatore. Ooty being my hometown and Coimbatore the place I was born in, and this is where most of my cousins live. It is mainly the commutation between places in Coimbatore that makes you go mad and crazy. Travelling in call taxis(the local ones are maruti vans) may be considered as the best way of commutation, if you have kids with you and  if you dont have your own conveyance. But having once travelled in a call taxi - maruti van from Thudiyalur, which is about 12 Kms from Coimbatore on the way to Mettupalayam   to a place called Pothanur, which is on the other end of Comibatore, on the way to Pollachi, I almost puked, the minute I got down at the destination. The glorious bumps on the road, the mad traffic- that only God knows when it may get disciplined, the mobile phone that the driver kept attending- meanwhile screaming at those who were trying to overtake his vehicle, and most of all the smell of LPG on which the cab was running. Oh! how much I missed the MRT (Mass Rail Transport) used in Singapore- so timely and convenient, air conditioned, disciplined people- makes travelling a pleasure.

For the different facilities that this place offers, the sophisication of lifestyle - yet affordable, may damage my patriotism, but  cannot kill it completely. Rain or shine, east or west, with all the imperfections, my country is still the best.

Depriving my children of Happy childhood!

I am a working mother and I go through this odd feeling quite so often! I have always wondered and queried myself, as to whether I should quit working and stay at home to take care of the kids. But  the feeling comes and goes-like it has not really stayed in my mind for long. It happens that the occurence of the feeling is during times when both parents are not able to give quality time for kids- when kids are more dependent on domestic helpers than the parents, when in their routine they spend more time with the maids than with the parents, when during day they are hooked on to the TV than having parents around to talk to and spent time with.

All these things that I had just mentioned happens in my house more so often. Because of which I tend to be swimming in a pool of guilt every now and then. At these times, some one I may speak to gives me justification that its OK for me to go to work, because ultimately it is for the kids future. We want to see them enjoy all good, provide the best education etc etc and the list of justification goes on. So back to square one, there I am back with my routine work schedule, and that is again away from kids for most of the time.

Being in a foreign country, all by your self(I mean, just the family), without much help, we are forced to be dependent on the maid. Trusting our kids with the maid, especially children is a big challenge. When we happen to get a maid who can be trusted, major part of the challenge has been crossed. But there remains one aspect that is compromised here. Whatever role genetics plays in getting our children to take up characteistics of their parents, there is still the undeniable truth that their upbringing is more influenced by the maids. Willingly I have compromised on that issue all these days, now I think the realisation is surfacing, because of which I think and rethink whether I should quit my job. It might look like a small decision. But I think parents going through the same situation like us, will understand what I feel like!